"She friend zoned me, Dave".
""By that reasoning so did I"
"What? That doesn’t make any sense."
"Well,I became friends with you because we have mutual interests,.I have no desire to escalate our relationship beyond that point, no matter how hard you might fall for my charms, or my unkempt locks, or the way my nonsense eyebrows clash"
"That’s different, You’re a dude."
"Well spotted, thank you" So because the person in question isn’t a dude, you expected her to what? Develop magical feelings of affection and naturally embrace your love with a reverent fervor?"
"Well, I was at least hoping she would consider the possibility – it’s hard to put your feelings out there, especially for a shy guy like me, and with a girl like her."
"Wait a second, what do you mean by "girl like her"
"Oh, Cmon, she’s gorgeous,"
"Leaving aside the extent to which she fits the current constructed paradigm of "attractiveness", have you always been attracted to her?"
"Oh yeah, what’s wrong with that?
"By itself, nothing, but in your case, it means that your ‘friendship’ was always, for you, a means to an end, the groundwork for a relationship of the romantic variety"
"What’s your point?
"You never wanted to be friends in the first place, so she didn’t "friend zone" you, she rejected the dumbass design of your grand seduction plan, and if she is indeed gorgeous as you claim, she is well used to this same old song, feigning interest in friendship, that is actually an interest, in having her as an object of affection"
"I thought that’s the way these things worked – I would like the attention if I were her"
"Oh really? You would? [Beat I grab his hand and lock his eyes ] Jon, I fear I cannot continue our friendship any longer without acknowledging the secret longings of my heart, the sight of you and that snappy gray suit, with the graceful prowl of Cary Grant – I want to be with you. [beat,] Now, how do you feel?
"Pretty creeped out"
"Exactly, now imagine that every dude in the mall suddenly came after you, leered at you, and had done so for most of your life That’s a small fraction of what your friend experiences all the time, every day. So please, never use the phrase friendzone ever again,"
[Long Pause] ” Who’s this Cary Grant guy?
"She friend zoned me, Dave".
If my social feed is any indication, this Thanksgiving was filled with many life altering decisions, especially where romantic love is concerned. After careful consideration„ I have decided that I too have an earth shattering paradigm shifting, declaration of love to make to the books I’m reading. Thanks for always being there, through good times and bad, to the jury and sadness. I know ours is an everlasting love, and maybe one day with the best parts of you and the least awful parts of me, we can bring in new book in the world, full of potential promise( and not without alarming failings) so that someday, some other person has something to do when the carrots and squash are gone, and the talk turns to child rearing and domestic partnerships.
Thanksgiving is a complex minefield of explosions to navigate. Even outside of the cultural messages embedded in the celebration of colonization and appropriation (which I do believe ought to be interrogated, but it’s not my aim to do so here) I’m uncomfortable with the gluttony of the holiday, sitting down to have an excessive amount of food, with some people whose sole connection to you is that you share some common intermediate genetic biology and ancestry. There is a certain comfort to be had in conditional encounters with the romantic partners of family members, to whom nothing but politeness and light conversation is owed; One “owes” one’s family an indefinite measure of constantly renewed context and intimacy – in short, a relationship. I’m privileged to have a family of people I mostly respect and love – my parents have served as my primary caretakers for my entire life, as I continually adjust to life informed by new and unfolding consequences of cerebral palsy. My siblings are equally supportive, and all of my immediate family are people with whom I can be honest about challenges, interests, and life events, and be reasonably sure of continued acceptance.
But I often wonder if they accept me for who I am, or because of our familial relationship context. The myopic view of “family” is something that is always on my mind.. I should love my family because they are good people, respectful of others, honest about differences of opinion, and are grounded in the same critical thinking and a willingness to challenge themselves – and to challenge me – that I demand from my friends. How often do I let troubling behavior by my family members stand unchallenged because they are family, and how often do my family members let the things I do and say that might disturb them: stand without pushback? I don’t mean to suggest that families ought to always be vigilant and call each other out on every infraction, and alarming opinion, but I do wonder about the extent to which families including my own, treat each other as persons and not relationships.
And on the subject of this familial selfishness, I wonder if the primary concern for family members„ conditioned as the contemporary American middle-class family is to be self interested, and “self-reliant” is necessarily a good thing, given that so much sociopolitical and economic disparity locally and internationally. Why should the well-being and suffering of other human beings, who are not related to me, nor have any relational context to me outside of shareed humanity manner less to me than the well-being of those with whom I have kinship? I think a lot of that might be bound up in the limits of this current social contract – take for example the embedded belief that to provide for a child, is the responsibility of the child’s parents. But isn’t it true, and unavoidable that because we share the same planet, the welfare of all should be the concern of all? It’s a lofty ideal I know, and the specifics of the power dynamics between nations communities and families are delicate and complicated, but I don’t think that absolves any of us from the responsibility of looking outward, and considering individuals, whose needs, wants, desires, and hopes are different, and perhaps in some sense, even contrary to the needs of ourselves and the people we love the most.
Having said,all that, I think there is a complementary danger in becoming too selfless, in conditioning ourselves to always prioritize the needs of others at the expense of our self-care. If we become to invested in trying to help others, we run the risk of neglecting our emotional honesty during those times when we ourselves are in need of assistance, reassurance love acceptance, and justice. On days like today is not uncommon to see exultation and you will and willto remind us to be thankful for what we have, and who we have in our lives, to be positive or negative, to be joyful and thankful instead of sad and angry. I really despise that sort of puff-pastry pablum because being thankful for whatever privileges we do enjoy, assuming that any of those privileges are operative in our lives an obvious to us, does not mean that we can’t simultaneously rightfully want some relief from those things which are causing anguish, or greater measure of justice fot people around us. It is OK to be thankful and happy for the privileges we enjoy, while also being angry frustrated, and disturbed by those things which are causing us to suffer.
So happy Thanksgiving – be as thankful as you wish to be, and be you.
Lady Sif Visits the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles
this should have millions of notes
It will never happen but I’m liking some of the things I’m hearing about who they might cast for Wonder Woman.
i am more than okay with this
I want this. /droool
There’s no crying in baseball!!!!
#dead #thecuteness #Ican’teven
I have ‘sploded from the cutenss
Sexual harassment has been on my mind a lot lately. One of my favorite writers in comics, Brian Wood , was recently accused of having a pattern of sexual harassment on the convention circuit..This led to a larger discussion, many of them in fact, about sexism and harassment, in the fandoms and industries that tend to have predominantly male gatekeepers, etc. I’m always in favor of these discussions, because I desperately want the world in which I live, and the fandom circles in which I travel, to be more inclusive and respectful and free of these systemic patterns of harassment.
Then, around the same time, a friend of mine recounted an episode of verbal sexual harassment shouted at her by a group of strangers while she was walking home.
So I’ve been thinking a lot about these issues, and I think one under- discussed element of such behavior is the tendency to distance oneself from particularly “egregious” examples of sexual harassment without turning the magnifying glass on those instances during which one might have crossed the line. After all, not backing down when interest is not reciprocated, sending too many texts, emails, using overly salacious or sexualized language in jest or otherwise, are all just variations of the same kind of behavior.
I guess my point is that “not being a creep”is not a fucking slogan. Deciding you aren’t one of those guys( or girls) doesn’t mean that you haven’t been in the past, or that some of your current behavior isn’t straddling the boundary of respect, or that you won’t engage in problematic behavior in the future. Not participating in harassment entails constantly vigilant behavior, and an awareness of boundaries, and if you screw up your most important job is to apologize, and cease doing whatever it is you did, full stop. You are not entitled to a an explanation of how you screwed up, nor are you owed forgiveness. Your version of events does not mean that you can erase, through your own “logic”, argumentation, or presentation of intent, the version of events offered by the person whom you harmed. Furthermore, while it is true that many people will make mistakes in this sensitive arena of human interaction, (conditioned as we all are to prioritize the pursuit of sex and romance, and conditioned as men especially are to expect reciprocation of sexual advances from women,), we are all ultimately responsible for our own actions, and the consequences of those actions – intentional or not.
So here’s the thing: Marvel has a title coming out that I should be really excited about.
It has a lot of titles coming out that I am genuinely, unabashedly excited for. Marvel continues to do almost everything right lately. Ms. Marvel is gonna rock. The news regarding the…
How we got here:
I responded in a Twitter thread to another pro, giving my account of a story from my past as a show of defense. That this thread was then picked up by Bleeding Cool and has sparked another, larger conversation about the state of comic books today is more important here. But I…